Just breathe.

Hey there, kids: I'm back. It's been almost a year since I have had time to write a blog post--kind of scary.

But, I remembered how to get on here and am going to try to be more diligent in making time to write posts because in all honesty, this thing is kind of therapeutic. And Lord knows I need something like that right now (as my mom and boyfriend can attest to) because I am about to begin my final year of college.

This is a scary thing, as any fellow or former seniors can attest to. So many questions are running through my head: will I be able to get a job? How much is an apartment going to be in Pittsburgh? How bad will the commute be? Will I have time this year with all of my responsibilities for school to really prepare for post-grad?

Like I said, scary.

But, as those that I have spoken to about this have been reminding me, I need to focus on what I can control. Things like my grades, how much I am involved in, keeping up with running, and fostering my relationships while I am still regularly around my college friends. I have a habit (one that is both a blessing and a curse) of always wanting to plan ahead. This can be good when it comes to things like budgeting and figuring out when I will see my boyfriend, but bad when I stress out about the things I listed above.

So for now, I will just focus on breathing and enjoying my senior year. After all, it will be over before I know it.

Until next time (hopefully sooner rather than later), thanks for keeping up with me and keep on being your wonderful selves!

My Truth About Fall

I love the fall.

Judge me. Call me basic. Call me a stereotypical white girl. See if I care.

Truly, it is my favorite season. It is just cold enough that I can break out my comfy sweaters  and flannels without having to cover them up with a bulky winter coat. The leaves all change and my 5-hour drive across the state to get to and from school for various breaks becomes more beautiful than you could ever imagine. It becomes more acceptable to bake because the house won't be boiling hot between a raging oven and high outdoor temperatures. 

And, it is a season of change. It is a wonderful transition between the suffocating heat of summer and the bitter cold of winter. It is a time of creativity--who ISN'T inspired by the colors and smells of autumn? It is the prime time to start cuddling up with the ones you love while drinking tea and reading a book or watching a good movie. And you can't forget that two of the best holidays occur during this time: Halloween and Thanksgiving. All the candy and all the stuffing. What could be wrong with that?

But, my love for fall came before all of these things became apparent to me. I can truly name two things that inspired my dedication to this wonderful season.

The first is my dad. It's his favorite season. I'm not entirely sure if it is the weather or the fact that it means he can watch the Steelers play football, but it is what it is. I have always wanted to be like my parents, and I distinctly remember him telling me that fall is his favorite at some point when I was young. From that point on, it became my favorite, too.

The second is that fall means school. And I repeat: judge me. I love school. I love learning. And fall has always meant that is school is in swing, which directly translates to learning. Sure, school stresses me out. It stresses everyone out. But who can deny that we're learning something important here? I know that I want a job someday. And there is no way that I can achieve what I want to without getting some sort of degree. And so, yes. I do love school.

So, my dear readers. Embrace the fall. Embrace the colors, the crisp air, and the almost-but-not-quite-bitterly-cold wind. Embrace the stress of school, because you are one of the blessed that has the opportunity be there. And embrace the inspiration that you can find in this season, be it from a foggy memory or a very distinct moment.

The Ever-Expanding Family Tree

"Friendship is unnessecary, like philosophy, like art. It has no survival value; rather, it is one of those things that give value to survival." -C.S. Lewis

I have always been one to consider my friends an extension of my family.

That mentality has become even stronger since I began college, especially this year. Being five hours from my parents and brother, when I have a bad day or something is wonky in my life, it often is my friends here at school that I turn to for advice, comfort, or distraction.

I am so blessed to have an amazing core group of friends that walks by my side and supports me here at school, day in and day out.

There are the ones that have been there since day one of freshman year. Bless you all, for sticking out the chaos of life with me (I am so sporadic and off-the-cuff sometimes...). Then there are the ones that have been in and out of my life due to uncontrolled circumstances, but at the end of the day are always there for me, and me for them. And thank the Lord for that--even with the occasional absences, they are some of the best friends I could ever have. And then there are the ones that are newer, but seem as though they have been there since the day I was born.

You all know who you are. You all know how much you mean to me. And I am so thankful for that.

It is my firm belief that family is not only the one that you were born into, but the one that you grow into. I will never take any of you (blood or not) for granted, but thank God every day that you are in my life and so amazing.

We've all been there through the good, the bad, and the ugly. We've learned from each other, grown with each other, laughed and cried with each other--life may not always be pretty, but at least we have each other through it all.

I love you all, and am so thankful for you. As we enter into this season of Thanksgiving, I urge anyone that reads this to go and tell someone that is in their "extended" family that they love appreciate them.

"No One Else Can Play Your Part"

November 10. World Suicide Prevention Day.

In this day and age, depression and self-harm are incredibly common. According to To Write Love On Her Arms (or TWLOHA), a leading organization fighting these diseases, more than 350 million people suffer from depression worldwide and 9.7% of Americans suffer from mood disorders (such as depression). The website also states that between 14 and 24 percent of youth have self-harmed at least once, with suicide being the third leading cause of death for Americans between 15 and 24.

These statistics are high. Too high. And there are ways to help. I can guaruntee that each and every one of you have met someone that is suffering from depression, or has in the past. It is something that can plague even those that seemingly have everything together. For example, yours truly. It's something that was present in my life through high school, and still causes some problems today. And, as afore stated, 9.7% of Americans have the same issue as I do.

Depression is hard to explain. Some days it can be crippling, making it virtually impossible to even get out of bed. But most days, it's just a nagging feeling in the back of your head. Something feeling slightly off, being the tiniest bit distracting, yet not completely tearing you down. But it is always there.

If you are struggling with depression, you are not alone. Reach out to me, to a close friend, a parent, a sibling--I was scared to say anything for a long time. I understand not wanting to feel like a burden. But you aren't. People love you and people care. Chances are, people already may even have a hunch. So go ahead and talk. Let it out. And if you aren't quite ready to talk about it, write it down. I am a firm believer in writing everything down. As Anna Nalick so aptly puts it in her song Breathe (2 a.m.), "If I get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to."

Today was created for a very specific reason: to help those that feel the most alone and let them know that they aren't.

If you are one of those feeling alone, take today to feel less alone. You are loved, you are important, and you are going to do great things. Never forget that.

If you aren't, then take today to reach out and show your love to someone. Maybe you know that they are struggling, maybe you don't But either way, we all need to feel loved. And today is the perfect day to express that.

Thanks for following along on my journey, and for taking the step to be brave for yourself and for someone else. Love you all.

Carpe Diem

Generally, celebrity deaths don't hit me too hard. With the exception of Mr. Rogers, I'm not sure that I've even ever cried over one.

But today, that certainly changed.

My favorite movie is "The Dead Poets Society." It made loving books and English feel cool. Less of a nerd. Made poetry more acceptable. I mean, Walt Whitman, HEY. But what really made the movie was Mr. Keats--or, Robin Williams.

In the movie, he pushed his students to embrace literature--and furthermore, to embrace themselves. No adolescent is good at that. But Mr. Keats pushed his students to do so.

In Aladdin, we saw Robin as the kind-hearted Genie, tending to a poor boy in love with a princess. Here, he carefully guided Aladdin (in his own way), and goodness did he make us all laugh.

There are countless other examples of how Robin Williams affected myself and so many others, more than I could hit in this single post.

Today, this world lost a wonderful comedian, actor, and man. It is so sad to see him go, especially given the circumstances.

I'm not sure what there more there is to say on the matter...rest in peace, Robin. You will be sorely missed, Captain.

O Captain! my Captain! our fearful trip is done,

The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won,

The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,

While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring;

                         But O heart! heart! heart!

                            O the bleeding drops of red,

                               Where on the deck my Captain lies,

                                  Fallen cold and dead.

O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells;

Rise up—for you the flag is flung—for you the bugle trills,

For you bouquets and ribbon’d wreaths—for you the shores a-crowding,

For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;

                         Here Captain! dear father!

                            The arm beneath your head!

                               It is some dream that on the deck,

                                 You’ve fallen cold and dead.

My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still,

My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will,

The ship is anchor’d safe and sound, its voyage closed and done,

From fearful trip the victor ship comes in with object won;

                         Exult O shores, and ring O bells!

                            But I with mournful tread,

                               Walk the deck my Captain lies,

                                  Fallen cold and dead.

Rooted

I find it funny that I am writing on this topic when it is the theme for Ligonier Camp this summer (where I worked last summer as a counselor). But, it is appropriate and therefore it is what I will write about.

Now, first, sorry that I have been so M.I.A. Life has been crazy and my mind has been spinning with the work that I am doing and the things that I can do in Louisville with the wonderful friends that I have made. But, I felt as though I didn't have too much to say. Not worth an entire blog post, anyway!

However, I now have something that has been on my heart and mind for a long time now, and I think that it's time to write it out. That's what writers do, after all.

I have spent the past week back at Westminster covering the New Wilmington Mission Conference. I had never been to it, but now here I am totally changed by it.

When I came, I was excited because I was going to be back at Mother Fair and because I was going to get to write about missionaries--I love missionaries. I have always thought that was the coolest job, and kind of wanted to do it.

But, as I spoke to them and thought more about where I am in life (and voiced it to a few of them in the process), I found myself thinking, "So you think this is a cool job--why couldn't you do it?" And the more I thought about it, the more I began to say "okay."

The nudges have been happening for a very long time. Sort of like the nudges toward seminary that I've gotten for forever and a day, this is something that has been on my heart. But, I always had my own agenda. I think, after this week, I'm finally ready to listen to GOD's agenda instead. Because let's be real--God knows what I need to do more than I ever will. Something that we all need to remember.

So why does this relate to being rooted? At a first glance, it doesn't. I want to travel. I'm not the best at staying in one place, as anyone that knows me can attest to. I am always moving, be it tapping my foot or heading to a new place to live for a few months. So how could I possibly be rooted?

Well, here's how. My roots aren't in the ground. They aren't in a singular person, or a group of people. They are in God, who knows me and my heart better than anyone could ever try. God will guide me, and as long as I remain rooted in that I will be fine.

This realization of my call to mission is scary. Who knows where I could end up, for how long, doing whatever. But at least it's there. At least I know, and at least I know that I can use my love of people and my great and wonderful God in that way--while still writing (as I so love to do).

Anyway--that is what has been on my heart and my mind. Thank you, as always, for going with me on this journey. Bless you all.

Pigs and New Friends that I'm Pretty Sure I Knew in a Past Life.

Yeah....so my title basically sums it all up, and I have no shame in it. But I guess since I've been MIA for a little while, I should elaborate. SO, here goes nothing.

First off, work. I love my job. I've said it before, and I will absolutely say it again: I LOVE my job. This whole writing/editing/social media thing? Right up my alley. I could do it for the rest of my life, and totally intend to. Heck, I'd skip out on the rest of school and just stay here in the 'Ville if I could!!

...just kidding Mom, Dad, and WC friends...

But really, it's been amazing. I'm working on some really great stories, and have some really amazing opportunities up ahead of me. So that's pretty fantastic, and I'm super happy about it.

So, when I first got to Kentucky I was super nervous about, you know, making friends. But I've been really lucky. Not only have I made some super awesome friends at work, but I have friends from this super snazzy new worshiping community that I've been sucked in to...Sweaty Sheep, I'm looking at you. This ministry is too cool, they are essentially a bunch of athletes! Runners, swimmers, cyclists...and YOGA! We have fun, and lots of it. I hang out with some of them so much, it's unreal. And I want to shoot a special shout-out to Tavi, their intern...I'm truly positive she was my best friend in a past life. We balance each other out splendidly and have fun no matter what the circumstances--including getting lost at the expo center and wandering through rows upon rows of giant pigs. Yes, pigs. It was something else, lemme tell ya.

Other things that I've done with Sweaty Sheep: help to host 31 college students that are currently biking across the country. They started in Rhode Island and are on their way to Cali!! They are biking to raise money for Habitat for Humanity, it's a really cool organization! Something I would definitely want to do...summer after I graduate? Heck yes. It was quite the event, involving a trip to the bike store with one of the guys because his bike broke, sleeping on a one person mattress with Tavi (while using a giant stuffed animal sheep as a pillow and a prayer shawl/snuggie combination as blankets), and waking up at 4:30 am to feed the cyclists before they got back on the road. As crazy as the night sounds, we had a lot of fun and I wouldn't have wanted to spend it any other way.

Alright, well, this week is slated out to be fairly busy, so I'm sure I'll have some stories soon. Thanks for walking with me on this journey, love y'all!!!